Almost Exposed

That awkward moment when you realized you said a little more than you should have!
BLUEMEM #2: That dreaded day in Kindergarten

     In Kindergarten, I had the best teacher. I still remember the first day I ever seen her. She was really petite, had bright icy blue eyes,  blond hair styled in a short bob cut, and the most angelic face I have ever come into contact with in my life. I guess all her features seemed to mesmerize me because I live in a predominately black and hispanic neighborhood and features like hers was something you only seen on the television. Her name was Ms. Bernstein and despite the conditions of my overcrowded elementary school, she made waking up and coming to class everyday something to look forward to. 

During class time, I was always one of the students that participated as much as could with class activities. I remember looking at other students that always had to stay in from recess for misbehaving and thinking that I refuse to be one of those people. If I would ever choose to be mischievous, like when I took the book that someone else wanted from the book shelf right before their hand could get to it or skipping in front of someone in line so that I could get the last slice of pizza for the day, I would make sure not to get caught. In my opinion in my beloved teacher’s eyes, I, Shanna Williamson could do no wrong :-D. That title, the goody two shoes, which I held on to with much pride was almost taken away from me one afternoon.

One day our teacher was upset with the class because the class as a whole was a little more disruptive than usual that day. As a result of the whole classes’s behavior, I remember that we all were being punished and our punishment involved us ALL being forced to stay in from recess. Now, I didn’t think it was really fair to have the whole class punished when the whole class was not being disruptive. I loved reading my pop up books as much as the next five year old, but definitely not during recess! Anyway when my teacher left us in the classroom reading while she went to go use the bathroom, I chose to vent about my frustrations with her harsh punishment to some of my classmates sitting around me. One of my classmates decided that she was going to tell our teacher everything that I had said. I begged her not to but she was pretty adamant on what she was going to do. I felt stuck and as soon as that student turned away from me, Ms. Bernstein walked back into the classroom. I didn’t know how to tackle the situation that i had just placed myself in so I did the one thing that any kindergartner would do when they feel helpless; I CRIED! Thankfully once the student that was ready to snitch on me saw my tears she decided not to tell on me anymore. In Scott Rosenberg’s piece “Putting Everything Out There,” he suggest that “In the end we’re each going to find the compromise between sharing and discretion.” Well that day in Kindergarten I definitely found the compromise between sharing and discretion with the students in my class(especially the one that wanted to snitch on me!). I decided that from that day forward that “Putting Everything Out There” is not always as liberating as it may seem.